Lonely souls. August 2021. ~ GDH
In December, two children were found dead in the alley behind the shop. Their guts had been cut out. Jacob wasn’t scared then, but he is still upset by that detail. Even now whenever he eats too much food, his tummy feels tight and it makes him think about everything that’s tucked away in there, how it’s only his soft skin keeping it all from spilling out at any moment, and how that must have felt for Rima and Ryan when it happened to them for real. Now it’s nearly February and they are pulling another body out of the bins while Jacob watches from his balcony high above.
There is a child killer roaming the council estate where he lives. But Jacob isn’t scared. Jacob has enough to think about as it is, without being scared of the killings. Jacob lives with his mother and his younger sister Farah, and importantly there has just been a new baby delivered by the storks. His mother always laughs when Jacob asks about the storks, which makes Jacob suspect it’s maybe some kind of lie. But she wouldn’t lie for no reason, Farah, he whispers to his sister one night. She might do, Farah giggles. Mummy might be evil. Jacob giggles back but notices with faint detachment how much that has disturbed him.
The estate is a big square. All the balconies look down onto the central courtyard. The estate is a body and the courtyard is the heart – Mum has always said that but Jacob doesn’t know why. But all the balconies look down onto the central courtyard. Every day begins and ends sitting on your balcony, looking down at the courtyard, watching the movements of the birds grazing or the kids playing. So when a new body is discovered, because everyone can see everything right away, every eye is glued to the courtyard all day. Everyone can see the ambulances and police cars and the brightly coloured figures slowly gather throughout the morning, spend all day shuffling everything around until it begins to get dark, and then eventually leave again, leave the place somehow looking bigger and blanker than it had before they came. And by now, everyone has noticed the change in the atmosphere around the estate.
Jacob likes the police. He likes the way they are always so still and quiet, and seem so in control. They seem to have more in common with the benches and the lampposts and the trees than with any of the other people. Jacob thinks that he could just call them whenever he needed and they would sort it all out. They’re not anything like the weirdo, he thinks.
They had all known the weirdo for a long time. Jacob had known him his entire life, and didn’t like him one bit. The weirdo was so dark, so dirty, he smelled like throwing up, and he was so loud. Whenever Jacob saw him, he was just wandering the courtyard back and forth for hours and making noises like an animal. Sometimes he would go away for a while, but he would always come back and sometimes he was there every day. He sounded angry, or hurt maybe, but whenever Jacob peeked down there was never anyone else there that he was talking to, nobody he was arguing with or fighting.
Mum just said that he was a very bad man and that the kids needed to stay away from him. But some of the kids still played in the courtyard even when the weirdo was there. And most of the other adults, if they were out and about, well, they just acted like he wasn’t there at all. Jacob finds that very strange, how happy so many adults are to pretend things, and just how good they are at it. Farah whispers to him one night that she heard that the police are all just pretending to be goodies, and they’re really the biggest baddies of all. The police don’t do that, Jacob replies firmly, the police’s job is they want to make sure nobody is pretending, and that’s why they take so long to do anything.
So, when the bodies began to turn up, nobody needed to look much further than the weirdo. But now he hasn’t been seen for a while. They’re all just waiting for him to come back, and then the police can come and get him. It’s eerily quiet on the courtyard, especially at night. There are no kids playing there anymore, just the birds, who don’t realise what’s happening. The police have told everyone that nobody should go outside once it gets dark. People aren’t sitting out on their balconies tonight. Jacob sees all the hundreds of little yellow squares, lights on, and says aloud to no one, Everyone’s hiding.
Mum is in the bedroom with the baby. Farah is bugging Jacob. On Saturday nights he always takes her to the shop to get some sweets, but he’s not allowed anymore. She doesn’t understand and just keeps whining and stretching his name out like a piece of toffee. Jacob wishes she would stop being such a baby. He’s getting sick of having to spend all of his time with her. I wish the weirdo would get you! he suddenly shouts, and storms off, leaving Farah wailing.
Jacob is in the kitchen making some toast. His face feels hot and tight and he is still angry with his sister, and he is getting angry with himself because he can already see his anger moving away from him and turning into guilt. He pours himself a cup of orange squash and goes to sit out on the balcony with his plate of toast. It is a grey, cold sunset. Jacob gazes out onto the quad, placated somewhat by the familiarity. The estate is a body and the courtyard is the heart. The birds mill around like cells and organelles.
But then Jacob sees something that inverts the world. Everything becomes very slow. Everything becomes background. The weirdo is back. He is staggering forwards diagonally through the courtyard, but this time he is being perfectly silent. Or Jacob can’t hear him. It feels like Jacob is underwater. Because the weirdo isn’t alone. He is staggering towards a small pink figure. A girl wrapped in a bright pink coat. Farah. Farah is holding her hand out towards him. She’s asking him to buy her sweets, she’s asking him to buy her sweets, that is what Jacob thinks first, and then he is springing to his feet and crying out Mum Mum Mum we need to call the police he’s going to get her!
Jacob is already at the phone when his mother emerges from the bedroom and runs past him out onto the balcony. Oh my God, she says, Oh my God. Call the police! I’m going to get the baby. Jacob screams after her, what’s he doing to her? Is she okay? He can’t see out the balcony from here. The phone cord won’t stretch out far enough. His heart is pounding and he is dizzy. He trembles and dials 9-9-9. The front door suddenly slams and Jacob leaps nearly out of his skin. A sickening laugh comes to him through the phone. You were always such a stupid little boy. Tee-hee-hee-hee. So stupid.
Jacob convulses and weeps. Mum? The phone goes dead. Jacob throws it down and runs to his mother’s bedroom. The room and the crib are both empty. The wind whistles through the open window and the balcony looms and mourns.
