Bear with me on this one. Yes, I did write a feature-length screenplay about Spider-Man. It is an original story, not based on any previous works, although of course all of the main characters were conceived by Stan Lee and Steve Ditko and are officially the intellectual property of this little company called Marble or something. This whole thing started because I was unreasonably affronted by my viewing of the second MCU Spider-Man film (the one where he goes to Europe), which is extremely tongue-in-cheek and silly in tone. I know some people love that, which is great, but after hearing much hype, I watched it and just thought: I can do better than that!
Ever since I can remember, I’ve been a huge fan of the character and his world – in fact, my first serious attempt at writing fiction was an epic novel about Spider-Man which I started at age 13. Somehow I got about 1,000 pages into it but had still barely made a dent in my decades-spanning plan, and yes, it should never be seen by anyone for as long as humanity lives.
This script, though, I am actually quite happy with. Initially it was just an exercise in trying to come up with something as tightly-plotted as possible, with a simple but twisty story and a big emphasis on setup and payoff, which I love in movies. After two weeks working solidly on it over the 2020 Christmas holiday instead of doing my dissertation, I ended up with 84 scenes, 113 pages, and a shocking degree of self-pride. And if you’re still not convinced, then you must know that among those dear friends and family of mine who have actually read some of my stuff, it has also had the best reception of anything I’ve written. So there! Hire me, Marvel! ~ GDH
A synopsis: As Mary Jane strives to make her break into acting, Peter Parker just wants a good night’s sleep. Things are get complicated when dangerous mercenaries (and bickering brothers) Kraven the Hunter and the Chameleon arrive in New York to compete over who can kill Spider-Man first.
In my head, this is the Chameleon’s theme: